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Taking
Action to Advocate for Change
Parents in recovery today need
information to gain the knowledge necessary to parent their
children. Children from recovering homes, children of
addicted parents, face a greater risk and are more vulnerable
to life time struggles with alcohol and other drugs.
Supporting Recovering Families and their need to end the harm
to their children makes good sense if we are to reduce the
impact of addiction.
Tammy Domangue a mother who learned of these greater risks her
children faced with alcohol after her son died form alcohol
poisoning. This mother, a recovering mother for more
than 10 years, and her family have now taken action to move
forward in reducing the environmental risks facing her
surviving children, and countless others.
From a recent
Newspaper article in the Advocate on a Vigil on her son's
death.
"I don't want anyone else in
the world to experience the hurt that my family is feeling,"
she said. The Domingues attempted unsuccessfully to have the
Legislature pass a bill to create an alcohol crisis help line
that underage people could call for assistance.
Kids at risk, and the dangers of
drinking-
Researchers find three
chromosomal areas with links to alcoholism vulnerability
Family
History and Intense exposure to risks in the
environment are toxic for some!
WeRecover Foundation
National Organization for people in recovery and their
supporters working for social change.
Why
this Al-Anon wants to do Advocacy
work for Recovery
The first 28 years of my life were great, so I thought. I
grew up with a sibling who drank too much. This started when I
was 6 years old. But it wasn’t so bad. I grew up thinking all
families had someone like this and it was normal. I also grew up
thinking I was a great person-- I could solve any problem, take
care of any crisis, and I was a master of all things.
Then one day I met my husband. He was like a special made
man from God. He had of the wonderful qualities of my sibling
plus some not so wonderful ones -- he was an alcoholic. But he
had been to treatment and was not drinking. I thought this was
great and I wouldn’t have to worry about him drinking ever
again!!
Well, two relapses later we were married and faced with the
big relapse -- a very horrible scary real relapse. He had hit
bottom -- a total emotional, mental breakdown. And I was right
along with him. After this he stayed sober and began to work a program. I
became pregnant 3 months later and we were so happy. We had
actually gotten married just so we could begin having children.
BUT, in between the last treatment and my new pregnancy I had
learned a lot. I read all those little Al-Anon books and went to
Al-Anon meetings -- not because I thought I needed it but just
so I could say I had done all that I could do in case he
relapsed again.
The scary thing is that every little Al-Anon boon I read was
like reading my life’s history. I began to realize very quickly
that growing up with an alcoholic sibling had imprinted me and
that I associated Love with the sick co-dependent relationships
that come with the addicted family. I did not know how to have a
normal healthy relationship with anyone, especially family
members much less myself. All of my life I had taken care of
everyone, but not me. I tended to everyone’s needs but denied my
own. I soon realized that my upbringing would also be passed
along to the child I was carrying if I didn’t do something now.
 I
began working the 12 steps with my sponsor. I became obsessed
you could say -- but I am an obsessive-compulsive personality. I
knew that if I did not change my behavior - I would with my
unhealthy behavior-- raise children that would not possess the
proper living skills for a normal life. They would be more
likely to become addicts just by the way I raised them not to
mention that they had about an 85% chance of inheriting their
fathers brain chemistry to be predisposed to an addiction. I
knew too many friends of my parents that had buried their
children because of an addiction and I was not going to be one
of them. I also knew that if my child chooses to die a crack
addict that I cannot stop it --BUT I WILL NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE
PROCESS OF ADDICTION! I WILL NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF
GETTING THEM TO THEIR GRAVES. I am sorry if this is a little too real to you but it is
reality. You see my first learned behavior is that of a
caretaker and hero. When I get excited or in a crisis I always
revert back to my first learned behavior, just like a bilingual
will revert back to their first learned language. I have to
continue to check my behavior for the rest of my life. That is
why I will never stop going to Al-Anon.
Now, that I have tackled my own self there is the other --
the environment that my children are going to grow up in. This
is where my advocacy work comes in. I do not want them to grow
up in the same type of environment that I grew up in -- It’s
cool to drink and use, You deal with life my medicating, your
family has to accept unacceptable behavior and all that stuff
that goes along with living in a family that has an active
addiction -- a closed family. And lets not forget about our
community. The parties, the drinking with children around
watching us and learning how to act, the television ads about
drinking being so cool. I do not want drinking and using to be
such an inviting option to my children. I do not want them going
to school with children who learn this type of behavior from
their parents. I do not want them to learn that drinking and
using drugs is cool or the grown up thing to do. To accomplish
this I must as a responsible mother and member of my community
and a member of the recovering community do what I feel
comfortable doing to change the current environment.
This means taking action to have more treatment available,
ed ucating family members about their part in the addiction
process, focusing on children’s developmental years and making
sure they get the right information and skills, taking the
stigma out of addiction and showing it for what it is -- a
disease that strikes without any regard for social class or race
or age. If this involves lobbying for new laws -- I will do what
I can even if it is just calling or writing a letter to my
legislators.
I will not let the cycle of addiction continue. It will stop
with me. To do this I must be a responsible parent, wife, and
citizen and do what I can to stop it. I am not a hero or
fanatic. I am just a mommy taking care of her children and
looking out for their future.
Share service, and
community efforts with us!
As we build this
project, many of us in the trenches, working to end the wrath of addiction on
our communities, we continue to see the growing, and continued, passion and giving to
others in our communities. This brain disease so many are
struggling with, also brings great impact on our social systems.
As we progress, we have met
wonderful, giving, hard working, faithful, people, from all
focus areas in this effort. Here is one story of how a
woman in Louisiana, has made decisions in her life, and
recovery, to impact her children's
future, as well as mine and yours! We thank her for sharing this with us, and
encourage others in the recovering community to
submit their
stories on how we together are doing what no one of us alone
can do.
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